Home and Back

Driving home
11 A.M.
Black VW
No radio
Exit 171
Fireworks
He shook my mothers hand
My sister tells me I am funny
Half hour in
Standing in the mirror
Dad's horn in the driveway
Church
Walked around the block
Too many people
Standing way too close
The Christmas tree was decorated
And bows were placed on cookie boxes
Ducktape
Off to Aunty Jo's
Smaller than usual
One had a baby
One is in jail
A best friend is borrowed to fill in space
"Plastic Cities"
Scarves and bakeware
Happy 50th Birthday around the lake
The cd skipped
Just as dad was "getting into it"
Sitting on my bed
Cross legged on my floor
I asked if he was proud of me
"I admire your fight Cari, But choose your battles."
2 A.M.
Christmas morning
Gifts were unwrapped
Lottery tickets
Cinnamon rolls frosted
Off to moms
Presents for the poor
Vitamins and toothpaste
Down to Grandma's
An apron and lotion
"For my domesticated girl."
Family over at 6
Off to the cousins real quick
Back again
Egyptian Rat Dance
Text from him
Couldn't stop smiling
Blue gave up
The cousins left
Late night walk
3 A.M.
Monday morning
Breakfast with the girls
Playing in the snow
McDonalds
Up to Blue's for cake and presents
I told him it was over
And stormed out the door
1 A.M. in my car
We kissed farwell
"I know I will always love you."
Driving home
Loneliness seeps in
Tuesdsay morning
On the road
By 11 A.M.

winter solstice

Winter Solstice is Wednesday, December 21 at 10:23 PM Mountain Standard Time. This solstice is a time to celebrate your life, your responsibility to yourself, your power, your talents, your purpose, your vitality and your inspiration. Take note of where you are, what you are doing and who you are with. How is it? If you don't like it, change it. Since we are in an accelerated time, allow things to move and shift and manifest without the need to control or micromanage. Trust that your intentions are well set and step aside to allow them to manifest.

He walked a block too far

I met him outside

We both smiled as we embraced

He took me to a cafe

It was past 10 pm

I told him about my friends

He told me about his

We laughed

and continued to

walking back to my house

In my living room

with the Christmas lights on

Laying on my red rug

We just held hands

and laughed.

I told him that I am finally happy with who I am.

And we were so thankful to have each other in our lives.

 

Text

Me: i cant stop thinking about you! Is that weird?


Him: weird? heck no lady? let me say you are a huge breath of fresh air for me... and thanks for putting up with my romantic cheesy-ness. and...you, me 1 chocolate shake, 2 straws...please?

i am art & words.

i carry these shadows.

i carry them in my arms.

i cradle them and rock them back and forth

to sleep.

i fight with my head.

i fight with my hands.

i work charcoal into pulp dark and darker

to black.

i remember i am plagued.

i remember i am poisoned.

i remember my past.

(all the thoughts i once thought)

pink bows and pearls.

now

pills and cigarettes.

-  -  -

i curse my luck,

my past,

this path i have been on.

these struggles i have.

the pain of e v e r y d a y. 

[not able to ignore.]

burning matches, writing papers, i sit cross-legged on my floor.
just getting through the day.

38,000

If I lost this- I would loose myself.
I would simply let go.