Holding on

I spend every hour of every day holding onto someone. I am so lucky to always be close enough to kiss the tops of beautiful heads. Loneliness inside loses its ground to the free space I have been given by forgiving myself. And it is by holding out my arms and wrapping around these precious bodies surrounding my days. Early in the morning, little arms reaching back. Late at night, sturdy arms cradling my own. Life and her little gifts; everyday I become stronger by holding on.

5/10

Ten after seven A.M., and I'm trying my best to remember the words to the songs you sung the night before. In a haze of exhaustion, I glance out my drivers side window and stare towards Lake Michigan. Flicking off the radio, I pray unto silence I could recite a line or two. I recall your voice, and the way your fingers ran up and down the neck of your guitar. I can remember the art of your lips forming pitches and tones. The language of your body under stage lights. It was only you. But I forgot the words.

5/16

last night - after hours of uncomfortable miscommunication, we sort through each other. those sweet honest words, the phrase i have longed to share with you, is given life. one something in the morning. we sit cross legged on top of ruffled covers and promise to never stop understanding and listening to what this exactly is.
i woke up, early to your alarm, and wondered if was all but a dream. i watch you slip on your t-shirt, button down, and dark jeans smelling of charcoal. you tell me to stay in bed and tuck the blanket tight around my naked body. then you kissed my check and said, "i love you" just like the night before. a smile overwhelms my sleepy self.  i am able to be exactly where i need to be. it has never felt so real, so life giving, so true.

Waking up

My favorite part of the day is waking up, too early to an alarm, and feeling your warm body next to mine. Your talented hand is discovered holding my thigh or resting on the small of my back. I love your sleepy scruffy face; mouth pursed shut and dreaming still. I climb over you, ever so gently, waiting for my bare feet to touch the ground. And then I look back, craving to climb back in, to caress your warm skin and kiss every inch of your being. But I just smile and reach out to pet your bare chest, uncovered from the sheets. I feel beautiful waking up this way. And as I leave the house, I spend my last few moments with you sitting on my bed, holding you. "I love you," I say once my time expires - almost seven o' clock. A million kisses I give to your face; your beard rough against my lips. And then you smile and utter, " I love you too." I turn away and feel a tug at my hand. You let go and I walk toward the bedroom door. One last time I look back, and you are still smiling. I am reminded of how lucky I am to have such a sweet loving man, and how beautiful my life truly is, waking up next to you!