Yellow

I am my yellow jacket. You can put me on when the cold chills and shakes your soul. You can take me places and when its warm, you can set me down. 

I am my yellow dress. I have witnessed love when worn, and became love after stripped to the floor. I feel pretty when held and forgotten when left in the closet.

 I am my yellow walls. When night comes with shadows i will darken my tone. And when the sun shines through windows wide, I will glow and kiss all who enter. 

I am the yellow wildflowers. I grow like a weed and drink rain through this drought. I will dance with the many grasses, but stay true to my roots.
I leave with the seeds i plant along the way.

I am yellow. I am all that is yellow. I am all that I am. 

wedding weekend

A framed picture at my aunties house,
I looked at many times:
deep blues,
emerald green & sunflower yellow,
a purple that brags brilliance
fill in a simple skewed drawing of a lady.

"For the longest time,

she would only fly

when she thought no one was watching."

abc's

A. 

Blue elder with orange carrots

B. 

Heartfelt ambition of head on injury

cross the street when all is on its way

never able to escape nostalgia

never able to escape these chains

silent voices and with a loud memory

draw and paint and get it out of yellow

pull it together, your going to loose it

kid yourself, kid him, kid them.

Revert to the past

imagination and dreams realistic and trustworthy

no doubt, no fear

life lessons tied with in bread emotions

I was hopeful to escape

darkness crawls all over me

C. 

An air mattress empty

love made then gone away

motives questioned

love revert

love revert

love reverse

to go back, never I swear

to doubt oneself is to disappear entirely

holding on seems stupid

close to insane

head bang

tears drain

love seems lame

never again

D.

So passionatly a heart floats heavy

proud and always moving toward shore

babies swim in arms so gently

tugging at life rafts far far from shore

settle down in a place so distant

talking yourself into reality

your here!

who's here?

Who's who?

Feelings dim; oxygen inflames them

loud words with psychotic tendencies

haha you thought it would be different

you idiot

E.

You hopeful heavy idiot

loose the weight, skinny jeans

genes I slip into all too easily

let me starve myself

you ask me to deprive myself

independence rings

run to the theater

the movie begins

he holds my thigh

I hold my breath

hold my breast

between my legs

accept

slow dance

fuck

beware

I swear

F.

Past is a ghost who haunts always

proving my feet under my brain

my heart dismiss insane

i've walked

i've ran

i've been around this twister

storm chaser

G.

Couldn't believe karma could return such favors

down with my guard and my secrets and habits

I open up only to clamp down and slam shit

in your face you dirty sinner

god rests only in your mother

told you so

forbidden fruit cooked with basil and cheese

he said please

I said never

now whenever come to me

cum for me

a baby

newborn in the spring

fourth of july

bodies sweaty and panting

one unit we dance

I function

I'm stupid

I wait by the beach

by the rocks

in the city

craving home

carving stone

with fingernails all bloody and raw

no more guitar

music darkens

piano keys

I dream

how dare I

to think you and me and love so sweet would be for me

and your not to blame

its me!

(no stereotype)

truth I speak

finally

H.

Old motives sink in

I remember why I did them

and him

and him

and him

talking myself into it being on a new road

no load

a new mode

a dead end

head against the windshield

bank account drains

for a friend

a sister I swear

stress curdles and sours

a journey in retrospect backwards

fuck that

fuck me

sweetly please

billie holiday and tea light candles

im a sucker for romance

a lover of cleaver words and pretty things

this world full of toxins

loose trash on the highway

95

old and then die

lonely?

Please no.

I can be pleasant and cook

an apron around my waist

your hands around my waist

an angel

my savior

I.

Dependent and incapable you think

trashing my past

recycle my emotions

it folds in waves

covers on a bare back

where your fingers danced

down my backbone

IV

I'm going to believe those are fireflies I see above the trees of my house in the city. And I'm going to make up little stories about each of their little lives. Maybe when I close my eyes to sleep, they come down to the grass and sprinkle stardust amidst the dew. And I like to believe that this stardust stays on the lawn past morning light and onto noon. When I walk across my lawn, whenever it may be, I'll think the stardust sticks to my toes and magically becomes part of my soul. I'm going to believe I have stardust in my soul.

III

I miss opening up the bathroom mirror medicine cabinet and seeing your blue toothbrush. It's been a while since we stood toes to toes in my bathroom before bed. It's these little things I cherish the most.

II

"that would ONLY happen to you!" -chlo

that pretty much sums it up.
(miss ya already)