Thursday, March 29, 2012
story of my life
once again- im wishing i was older, more advanced in my life. i am a 20 year old thinking like a 30 year old. i crave love. real love. the kind that promises and grows old.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Am
choosing to be happy
to let you stay the night
telling you my secrets
discovering your entire life
as we drive past the house you grew up in
and lay on the floor looking into each others eyes
we read each other
sing each other
dance to each others songs
we make plans for tomorrow
and the warm days ahead
with you by my side
i do not doubt
i do not fear
i just am
to let you stay the night
telling you my secrets
discovering your entire life
as we drive past the house you grew up in
and lay on the floor looking into each others eyes
we read each other
sing each other
dance to each others songs
we make plans for tomorrow
and the warm days ahead
with you by my side
i do not doubt
i do not fear
i just am
(journal entries III)
2/29
You are gold. A richness, a quality, a sparkle I have never had before. The weight of your precious essence is intimidating yet empowering. Careful not to miss place such value - to spend it, or save it, the best way, the smartest way, the most efficient way or perhaps the most profound.
You are gold. A richness, a quality, a sparkle I have never had before. The weight of your precious essence is intimidating yet empowering. Careful not to miss place such value - to spend it, or save it, the best way, the smartest way, the most efficient way or perhaps the most profound.
(journal entries II)
2/15
What is love? Why is it different for different people? Isn't it the most holistic way to care for a person? Why does it come with precautions and walls? Why is that the assumption? One who gives everything but still cannot utter four letters. Because it means so much?
Is love a destination? The last leg of a journey - and then coast til the fuel runs dry. What seals the deal.
But it isn't. Love grows, changes, manipulates, converts, blesses, and sets free. Is is not stagnant, but rather limitless. It is selfless and selfish at the same time. The good of each. There is no harm in the word 'love.' Why does he run from it? What is it to him? Because this word is right there on the tip of my tongue, behind my teeth, on my breath, in my eyes.
What is love? Why is it different for different people? Isn't it the most holistic way to care for a person? Why does it come with precautions and walls? Why is that the assumption? One who gives everything but still cannot utter four letters. Because it means so much?
Is love a destination? The last leg of a journey - and then coast til the fuel runs dry. What seals the deal.
But it isn't. Love grows, changes, manipulates, converts, blesses, and sets free. Is is not stagnant, but rather limitless. It is selfless and selfish at the same time. The good of each. There is no harm in the word 'love.' Why does he run from it? What is it to him? Because this word is right there on the tip of my tongue, behind my teeth, on my breath, in my eyes.
(journal entries I)
2/4
Get drunk. Get high. The morning after. Plan B.
Is my entire life in plan B mode? I still fight with the demons inside of me and cry myself to sleep - over you.
"I am going to regret this in the morning, but I need to tell you how much you will always mean to me. And when I am alone in bed, I can't help but ache for the good we once were."
I used to call this desperation. But desperation for what? The poison we were. The raw emotion you evoked inside of me. The fight I became. Those demons that cling to my soul. My heart not able to beat without the hollow echo coming back in your name.
But to love without fear; to love freely. He teaches me this now. And he is my angel. This hook just keeps bleeding and tugging.
I miss my dad the most. I miss the smell of cigarette smoke and colgate toothpaste and the rough of his face when we hug- like only a father hugs his first born daughter. I miss all of his traditions, infant after the divorce, now grown and nostalgic. How when we would go grocery shopping he let my sister and I pick out frozen juice and popsicles, capri suns and air fresheners.
Get drunk. Get high. The morning after. Plan B.
Is my entire life in plan B mode? I still fight with the demons inside of me and cry myself to sleep - over you.
"I am going to regret this in the morning, but I need to tell you how much you will always mean to me. And when I am alone in bed, I can't help but ache for the good we once were."
I used to call this desperation. But desperation for what? The poison we were. The raw emotion you evoked inside of me. The fight I became. Those demons that cling to my soul. My heart not able to beat without the hollow echo coming back in your name.
But to love without fear; to love freely. He teaches me this now. And he is my angel. This hook just keeps bleeding and tugging.
I miss my dad the most. I miss the smell of cigarette smoke and colgate toothpaste and the rough of his face when we hug- like only a father hugs his first born daughter. I miss all of his traditions, infant after the divorce, now grown and nostalgic. How when we would go grocery shopping he let my sister and I pick out frozen juice and popsicles, capri suns and air fresheners.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
track 1 2012
All at once,
The world can overwhelm me
There's almost nothing that you could tell me
That could ease my mind
Which way will you run
When it's always all around you
And the feelin' lost and found you again
A feelin' that we have no control
Around the sun
Some say it's going to be the new hell
Some say it's still too early to tell
Some say it really ain't no myth at all
We keep asking ourselves
Are we really strong enough?
There's so many things
That we got too proud of
We're too proud of
I wanna take the preconceived
Out from underneath your feet
We could shake it off
And instead we'll plant some seeds
We'll watch them as they grow
And with each new beat
From your heart the roots grow deeper
The branches, well they reach for what?
Nobody really knows
But underneath it all
There's this heart all alone
What about when it's gone?
It really won't be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart
Is no place to be singing from at all
There's a world we've never seen
There's still hope between the dreams
The weight of it all could blow away
With a breeze
But if your waiting on the wind
Don't forget to breathe
Because as the darkness gets deeper
We're sinkin' as we reach for love
At least something we can hold
But I'll reach to you
From where time just can't go
What about when it's gone?
It really won't be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart
Is no place to be singing from at all
The world can overwhelm me
There's almost nothing that you could tell me
That could ease my mind
Which way will you run
When it's always all around you
And the feelin' lost and found you again
A feelin' that we have no control
Around the sun
Some say it's going to be the new hell
Some say it's still too early to tell
Some say it really ain't no myth at all
We keep asking ourselves
Are we really strong enough?
There's so many things
That we got too proud of
We're too proud of
I wanna take the preconceived
Out from underneath your feet
We could shake it off
And instead we'll plant some seeds
We'll watch them as they grow
And with each new beat
From your heart the roots grow deeper
The branches, well they reach for what?
Nobody really knows
But underneath it all
There's this heart all alone
What about when it's gone?
It really won't be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart
Is no place to be singing from at all
There's a world we've never seen
There's still hope between the dreams
The weight of it all could blow away
With a breeze
But if your waiting on the wind
Don't forget to breathe
Because as the darkness gets deeper
We're sinkin' as we reach for love
At least something we can hold
But I'll reach to you
From where time just can't go
What about when it's gone?
It really won't be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart
Is no place to be singing from at all
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)