You can call me Darling.

there will be a part of me i will never give away.
i will never uncover,
disclose,
or whisper in the dark.

you will always feel the sense of something missing.
and as the years pass,
nothing will transfigure.

i do not make plans.
i do not keep promises.
i will be yours when i am near;
reclusive as i leave.

my thoughts may meet your mind,
and my voice may kiss your face.
we will talk often and i will always listen intently.
but do not expect me in the morning.

like the ocean fondles the tide,
or the moon rewinds its shadow.
my heart is always running.
i may be coming back around.
i may be spinning in circles.
but i am dancing my own dance.

the deck with one queen and the lack of an ace

i feel like i am choosing my life;
picking up the cards i will play with.
i only have the ones i have been dealt;
and none of them will win this game-
but the rules are you have to choose.

wish you were here

we're just two lost souls swimming in a bowl,
year after year.

as lonely as the shadow on the wall.
i anticipate the empty house.

(since we haven't talk)
darkness seeps in.
easier.

the realization of a deep emptiness inside.

enough to hold all the rain in the sky.
tears no one will notice.

i remember i am alone.

a mother's words-

"you are brave."

-i never thought of myself as that.-

"well you are, most girls wouldn't be able to be as confident as you."

(another foreign words- confidence.)
when no one is around,
you learn all to well of yourself.

(you get sick of looking at yourself in the mirror)

nights become very long;
very quiet.

and days are a blur.

sleeping becomes an escape.
a retreat amid the spinning tornado.

and i wonder,
those who encounter the disaster ahead innocently,
do they realize exactly what they have been through when it has passed?

can you grow alone,
amongst a gravel road?

or do you continue to shift in your chair?
keep talking.
eye contact.
listen closely.
(but so far away.)

you leave the room and the relief is brief.

(untitled)

All I have to hold onto
I need to let go
My mind is poison
death to my soul
I live in my body
My head alone

No Need for Art School

Let me walk around on marble floor. I'll learn more than 10:50-4:20 times four.
My professor tells me "good hands, good eyes." The dates and paperwork and goodbyes.
Align. Center, search, discover, input. input. input.
Output.

"The impressionist's emphasis on drawing has only recently begun to be fully considered."

If you truly understand and tap into how color moves with the eye on a canvas or piece of paper - you have the basis for a successful work of art.

Line provides direction. i.e. Degas "Women in a Tub" The composition offsets verticals and horizontals against rounded forms. "Giulia Bellelli (study)"= first uses of ESSENCE, or thinned oil paint! - "Art is vice, you don't marry it legitimately, you ravish with it."

The direction of the pastels application creates both movement and gradation. The blurring of marks vs. the heaviness of paint creates depth. i.e. Renior - "Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world."

*diagonals. triangles.*

Pastel sticks are a mixture of ground pigments, white chalk, and water (or binding agent) and, depending on the ratio of pigment to chalk, produce either a smooth or rough finish. It is a way to fuse line with color (merging drawing and painting).

Pastels are loose and unconfined. They rely on the difference between a smudged application (creating a smear of color pushing into the background) and the steady, but broken line (kissing the foreground, the viewers face).

The tonality of the subject and the transition between one color to the next is vital.

"Seurat could make light shoot out, just moving a crayon on paper." -Apollinaire

"There is no such thing as a line or modeling; there are only contrasts." Cezanne
(a passionate man, reclusive, very private- lived and died solely for his art)
"I try to capture the essence in the drawing - then I fill the spaces demarcated by the outline (expressed or not) but felt in every case."

"Instead of trying to reproduce exactly what I have before my eyes, i use color more arbitrarily so as to express myself more forcibly."- Van Gogh

"Art is an abstraction; as you dream amid nature, extrapolate art from it, and concentrate on what you will create as a result." - Gauguin

"The most important element in a picture cannot be defined."- Manet

Apply medium in layers, spreading each color through the entire composition, creates unity. i.e. Monet = en plein air. - "A landscape does not exist as a landscape...it lives in accordance with its surroundings, with air and light, which are forever changing."

11/3

Now that everyone has left my house, I face the girl in the mirror. The girl who ate too much and forgot to take her medication. She is the girl with the lover who speaks to her heart, miles away. The man she has had for so long, doesnt want her anymore. She is the girl who talks about dying her hair, dropping out of school, hoping trains. She doesnt finish her writing homework - two weeks late already. She types too much, thinks too much, and the water never gets hot enough. Her face is too round, her thighs touch, and she hasn't shaved her legs in a while. The teddy on her bed reminds her of the fight she has been for years now. She wants to call her dad. She wants to close her eyes; but these thoughts, this headache above her eyebrows. She thinks about her grandma, about dying, about winter solstice. The plans in her mind chase away her loneliness. She is scared to get up and go to school in the morning. Scared to pick out her clothes. She hates that she hasn't exercised in 5 days. She pinches her sides, and thinks about all the food she ate. She tells her roommate she's okay. She listens to her mother on the phone. She doesnt feel much like talking. Or answering texts. Yet she sends one more- out of desperation. Sadness. Emptiness. She thinks about sending mail. A letter to blue, a box of bars to him. Maybe she should apologize to jake. She could have drank wine with alec, visited brad in riverwest. But she came home early from class, took a nap, covered herself in blankets, tried to get something finished. But nothing is. Not her paper, or her drawings, or her thoughts in her head. The bitter November rain falls against her city window. She cashes in, and calls it a day.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be better.

They liked this...

Revolution

We, the people of the United States of America, considering the crisis at hand, now reassert our sovereign control of our land.

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that its evolution

1. Complete change from one constitution to another

A people-powered movement
September 17, 2011
Non-binding consensus, collective decision
"People's assembly"

2. Modification on an existing constitution

"This is a sharp time now,
a precise time -
we live no longer in the dusky afternoon
when evil mixed itself with good"

3. The richest 1% of people are writing the rules

We're doing what we can
But when you want money
for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait

4. We are the 99%

"Now, by God's grace,
the shining sun is up,
and them that fear not light
will surely praise it."





"About Us | OccupyWallSt.org" Occupy Wall Street | NYC Protest for American Revolution. 13 July 2011. Web. 07 Nov. 2011.

Lennon, John. "Revolution." Rec. 13 July 1968. The Beatles. George Martin, 1968. Vinyl recording.

Miller, Arthur. The Crucible (Penguin Classics). London: Penguin Classics, 2003.