Allowing

the warm air hugs my skin.
i allow it to overwhelm me only because the warm air will not be around for much longer.
each magical molecule will grasp to grey goose feathers and journey south soon.

memories flood my skull; sweet memories that drench my senses.
i allow the memories to do so only because, before long, they will fade.
such as an old picture. the idea and moment captured, just not quite tangible once aged.

music seeps from my lips.
i allow the lyrics to do so only because each lines reminds me of you.
i smile and disappear into the past while my voice carries.

phone conversations are short yet precious. nothing compared to the beautiful words we exchanged when together.

oh the fireworks become smoke
and float into the wind.

Ironic

my summer left on a thursday.
the sky cried.
i didnt.

reality begins on a tuesday.
i cry.
rain is not in the forecast.

One Last Run

hush now.

i pretend to sleep.
my body about to errupt into a cardiac arrest.
anticipation bleeds from my insides,
to my pillow,
to the floor,
out my open window.
a trail to juvenile exhileration and a headache the next morning.
the excitement taunting me.
oh the agony,
the complete and utter agony.

hush now.

i lie still.
noises echo through my families home,
every diminutive sound a blaring siren.
damn moths outside
clanking at a hopeless glow,
damn wooden floor
creaking and moaning because of the damn refrigerator.
you all will certianly ruin my chances if you keep up the ruckus.

hush now.

my time has come.
its the finale.
and the show is about to begin.

a simple prayer to Jesus Christ as i crawl through my window.
a hopeless, yet comforting ritual
followed by a short appoligy for the mistakes i forsee.
my conscious whispers, " you are still going to hell."

but my feet have a mind of their own.
and my energy draws its way to pure freedom.
oh let freedom ring and morals hult.
may time stop
as i continue.

Cheers

my mind hums with a memory. bittersweet as a cheap glass of wine. warm as a good conversation. perfect as a picinic. a memory; close enough to flutter your heart, yet too far for hands to grasp.

Cheers to another wonderful day.
bottoms up.
and finished off.

Gypsy

the world turns, constantley, completly, always.
and human race runs, fast, steady, and far.

i slow down. way down.

i walk through life; my pace slow and my path covered in daisies.

i am a gypsy, completly lost and without a direction. i enjoy my absense of reality and hide in treeforts, listening to folk music amid the stars and the sun. the trees whisper amongst themselves, sharing my secrets. summer breaths her last breaths. and i grow. grow blissfull. grow strong. grow wild.

Windchimes

the window is wide open in the room where i sit, and windchimes trinkle in the breeze. blue curtians dance from the ceiling and swirl about from the rod at every gust. they seem to be dancing or running. my guess would be the blue curtians wish to be free. maybe they want to rip away violently and float off to somewhere far away. i shut the window and promise the curtians i will take the with me when i go somwhere far away. they stop squirming around.

my best friend is anger with me. its bothersome and annoying and the tension between us provides a slight headache behind my right ear. her words trinkle though my mind, like windchimes (irate, yelling, stubborn windchimes.) she claims i am changing- what every person hopes for yet secretly panicks when confronted with. at first the word change startles me and sends me to one of those dark corners of my mind to hide. yet after i take a second thought upon her theory i beleive she could be right, just as right as she is wrong. or maybe shes just all wrong. and comepletly rediculous. and over reacting.

no, she could be right. maybe i am changing. i am not speaking of a metamorphosis, more so a revelation. she needs to know that at the end of my revelation, i will still be me. new and improved. she needs to know ive been the same for 16 years too long. same was misserable. same was boring. same was same. im done with same. screw same. life is too short to stay the same. i want to be the person who i see myself as.

It's never too late to start living the life you've always wanted to live, or to start being the person you've always wanted to be.

Treasure Hunt

Bare with me.

My life has been a whirl-wind and i am finally begining to catch my breath. It seems as though i was held by my ankles and shook violently for years and am finally waking up to an empty canvas sharing my name. The following only begins to explain.

Roughly three weeks ago (the day after the EK shootings) i was dragged onto a bus and shipped on a nine hour trip to a christian youth conference in Minnesota with my sister, Jake, and many other teens. I was gone for three days and completley numb the whole time. At first i blamed the tragedy i left behind, which occured only hours before i set foot on the bus. Later i came to realize the true lack of sensation was more than from the horrifying shootings, it was rooted deep inside myself; a weed that overgrew.

I came back home and broke up with my dear Jake. The break up was not because i had lost feelings with Jake, i had lost feelings with myself. My personal journey began at that moment and i am now only begining to understand my craving for my own personal identity to return. Jake and i are still very good friends and talk regularly.

Several days later i meet a new guy. We are currently just friends and have coffee together, watch movies, and talk regularly. He is very interesting and extremely smart. Because we share similar intrests he has challenged, yet supported my treasure hunt to find myself. I now submerge myself in art, reading, and writing on a regular basis for mere conversation the next day. I do not grant him all the credit for my indulging in my passions of art, music, and literature; but he has forced me out of hibernation.

Work has been a daily scheduled event. I recently recieved a raise from Mary, which i believe is well deserved after all the ass kissing i have done. Still, i enjoy my job.

Family life has been alright. Im not home very often and when conflicts arise, i usually smooth them over quickly.

Friends are the same. The previous sentence is niether a positive or a negative statement.

I just started a new book by C.J. Lewis which has completly through off my sleeping schedule. The title is The Screwtape letters. Very interesting and well written. I will finish soon and a few suggestions for good books would be appreciated.

Anyways, i am off to my bedroom with a steaming cup of chamomile tea in hand.