Neurotic

At night I become particularly neurotic.

I have gone about experimenting with remedies.
One in which I read my book.
Another in which I watch a show.
Tonight I cleaned my tub.
Rather than using a sponge or a wash rag,
I found myself using my bare hands.
There was something about the rubbing of white porcelain against my fingertips...

I gave my tub a bath.
As the steaming hot water ran from the faucet in a continuous stream; the bubbles grew.
The air around me became foggy and thick.
The dirty water climbed to my wrists.
The drain was clogged.
I dug my fingers into the drain and pulled at the hair.
Long strands slung out; slimy, and dark with grim.

Instantly, I thought of my dear friend, carrying a child inside of her, years too young.
I remember her fine, dark hair would fall into her face and stick to the sides of her mouth where the spit gathered when she talked.
And we talked quite often.
We grew up together.
I knew her dreams, and she knew mine.
We told each other everything, and took care of each other when the rest of the world closed us out.
She was my best friend, my soul sister.

I can feel my face scowl in disgust as I rip at the hair violenltly.
I miss her.
The water continued to rise; higher and higher towards my elbows.
I pulled harder at the dark hair tangled deep inside the drain.
My dear friend Taylor.
It was no use.

I shut off the water, leaned back onto the pink bathroom rug, and listened to the water ping off the grit.

Rocky Mountain Folk Festival 2013

In front of me, the clouds move to meet the mountains - the stoney red and cool mossy green pockets of dense earth; compacted together over millions of years - since earth was an infant; born of the universes starry womb.
As the clouds embrace the cliffs, the baby blue sky opens and closes its eager mouth - like a robin chick, hungry, hungry, hungry.
The eye of the sun stares out of the sky's undulating body - intense one moment; in overpowering passion and determination - the next minute; cold and mute and denying.
The Earth below takes a deep breath in
and out.
Life Giving.
Torture.
For the passing moment - praising with wide arms for the glimpse of forgiveness that is only fleeting and we are all only kidding ourselves.

SunseT

There is something about the sunsets lately.

The wildness of the sky; overwhelming my lonely body,

 Fragile from the lack of sleep, from the stress, and from too much emotion.

There is something about the twitch in my right eye.

Something about an empty apartment; digging through the dumpster for my precious watercolors, acrylics, and ice skates.

I am not able to say goodbye. I have been deprived of closure.

My eye twitches.

I stay up way too late.

I think about blue, and you, and he's somewhere else. Somewhere I cannot reach.

I feel lonely. Lonelier than I have in a while. Al One.

Don't get me wrong - I am so gracious and excited and feeling alright.

But there is something about the sunsets. 

Its been a long time...

Forgive me for falling off the edge of earth, and forgive me for continuing to fall.