I have never had this feeling. 

The feeling of so much happiness tied so closely with so much fear. It is not an anxious fear (the kind that keeps you up at night and turns your stomach to knots) or an unrealistic happiness (like a fairytale story with the prince and princess forever after). 

It is a fear that comes from the very deep insides of my soul. A fear that comes with giving entirely. A fear that exists with a risk so beautiful and honest. 

And it blossoms into sweet happiness. 

The happiness that comes from my toes, up my legs, and tickles my insides til my face aches from smiling 

or laughing

or crying

or breathing too close to yours.

A happiness that exists only in the breakdown of walls and through the healing of wounds. A happiness I never thought was possible. And a fear I never thought I'd cherish so dearly.