I forget what its like to be with my
loved ones as a method of defense. All that I have held close has
fallen away- or maybe just changed/evolved past my capability. But
nontheless, my loved ones evaporate. This space thing is poisin for
my head. I roll around in toxic thought with no breath in between. I
take in smoke to my lungs and let it numb my surroundings. In return
my head speeds. The spinning returns. Stress may have a part in this.
I overexert myself out of love for others. Subconsciously. Spider
webs. Consequences far greater than before. Disease tunnels through
my nerves. Ironically, my lady parts I love with take the fall;
tingles between my legs. Ill become a mess again. I will pull myself
together again. And then ill josh myself all over again. Its a sick
cycle.
To find a soul as sick as mine- would
that be the answer?
I invested so much into this but have
kid myself with my capability to release all past grudges. I proudly
cling to my pain; a trophy in honor of what I will/am able to become.
A testement perhaps to all I know I truly am. My core is strong,
beautiful, lifegiving. But alone, I become rancid. Can I blame my
past. (of course not). I am my only savior. And if I have learned
one thing in this life so far it is that life is not fair. Your a
sick fuck for ever thinking for a second another one of you exists; a
delusional pshycopath for even considering someone will ever accept
all the darkness you carry preciously.
No comments:
Post a Comment