Saturday Nov 7th 2009
I am overcome in regret. My past few days have felt like a million different lifetimes. I feel as though i do not deserve these experiences. I am not well enough to handle positive moments. I have created my own misery. Thats what they say. They tell me i have done this to myself.
I do not understand. Why would i do such a thing to myself? Why would i create such an experience with such a predictable outcome? I know what happens next. The water never stops rising.
But neither do my problems. So it is me and these problems i have created. I am an artist, therefore i will ruin my own life and tear into every other. This cannot be my destiny. How can my desires lead to such a destination. I am a misunderstanding.
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