Monday, June 16, 2014

Nothing about the card. Nothing about Brooklyn

(Dog Sees God)
Home
How are you feeling?
Really good. Really whole.
How about you?
:) Super good. Would you be in for a late night walk/run/anything?
I think I'm too tired for that tonight. I exercised earlier?
Thats totally understandable. I just thought id ask. My brain is pretty heavy tonight.
I can totally understand having a heavy brain tonight. F'ing Shit! Ugh!
F'n Dog sees God. Palindrome. 
Zactly!
Its good for me- Doesnt necessarily feel good, but i will make peace with it, ith all of it.
Anyways- great show! I am not trying to take away from that. You were really impressive!
Thanks, but thats already almost over. How are you feeling significant.
It resonates - in more ways than you know. Its just hard cause its a very lonely resonation.
Explain. What's the resonation?
I cant possibly over text. I mean the play was so wonderful, I know it resonates for a lot of people. But because of my personal history - i can only validate certain experiences of my past. And that statement is even tied up in so many things. It just gets a little heavy sometimes.
Bam! Art!
Its a meaningful work
Ha yes. yes. And experiences come into a persons life at specific times for reasons beyond full understanding. But how do you handle moments of weakness?
Explain what you mean by weakness.
And still stay independent? Fascinating maybe? How do you heal without full recognition of the past, apart from the tangled web of another persons delicate life?
Specifically...?
I cant get specific.
Remember my feelings on secrets? Perfectly ordinary experiences (shined upon in dog sees god) left unrecognized - ferment and become a sweet nostalgic poison. A full day of life in limbo, leaves a deep void i choose to forget on most days. But today you were a part of it- so I feel myself leaning towards you. I'm sorry. I'll be better tomorrow.
You fell asleep?

and in a sick way, I know I am only testing you. This is your first test. your initiation. Because my heart is raw where you exist. And the parts that are recovered remain as scabs. Still fresh to the healing process.
I share the closest and most dear things in my life with you - my art, my past. Dont you want to know me?
Its no wonder you choose to fall asleep. It gets difficult, too deep, too close to my/your heart, and the evacuation process begins.

At the same time, who am I to demand or expect this kind of response from you? Because I am falling in love with you? I should reconsider it all. This is no reason to be vulnerable, to expose this of yourself. Why would I want to compromise your beautiful life? With my heavy heavy and oh so messy life. I bite my tongue to stay out of it all. But the blood is bitter- such a familiar taste. I doubt a million times over again.
You have no idea & it is better that way.
I revert to being "fascinating."
At least I can be that. 

Youth- Daughter.
Happy F'n Father's Day. 
"Are you proud of me dad?"
"I am. But I see you hurt. Choose your battles. Fight the good fight Care."

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