Validation

Cinco de Mayo - Improv trip to CHI
Max, Liz, Nathan & I. Left at 11:30p.m.
We stop @ the Oasis - coffee and FF.
(Following the rabbit. Arctic Monkeys. Tequila & red wine.)
We get to the hotel, first and foremost, the dudes go over lines. We talked about friendship on the way down. The context transforms and they are so involved and aware of the transformation. After a perfect day, "He's killing it." Everyone is killing it in theater business. But I've been drinking wine, doing drugs - who am i. Where is my responsibility - my role w/o guilt. Unlike these lifelong friendships I speak of. But these people are older - real, raw. And I reconsider the quality of all these adjectives.
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What is content? What does it mean?
Strip down, do lines, alcohol indicates.
But who is naked?
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Max being a horrible burden.

(next)
FEELINGS
the cold breeze on my back as I sit on your bed naked listening to you in the next room over.
The crazy shit i tell you - half of it I would never admit to myself.

5/20 @ N's. N's @ rehersal. Bus to Bayshore.
Smells like sweat
Dads skipping with daughters.
"I caught a fish!"
Baby ducks, baby deer.
Relationships...marriage (a far-a-way term)
does it ever work?
"But kids always exceed expectations, in fact they are the only thing that does."
When the weather gets warm, children play outside.
I play outside.
"You would be such a great mother."
My stomach sinks to my dirty feet.
I am a walking contradiction.

(later that night...)
and suddenly it sways between a strange maturity gap, and an endless competition.
between what? what are we competing for?
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we switch teams, and I'm the only one who doesn't understand the rules.
time overlaps...to Kanye West, I think.

5/3 sometime in the early morning before the sun rises.
"Some people that come into your life are made of moments; and that's all they ever will be."
conversation on moments. how does a moment function outside of itself? it is a decision one must make involved in the moment. you can only hope the shared moments have shared value. but that is a romantic ideal. the most important thing is that those moments shared, manifest individually into something that will house growth. life is all about growing.

nurturer vs. nurtured
how, why, and when are these roles displayed/inhabited?
in what case are these roles instinctive? In what case are these roles taken on to fill a gap?

the idea of a certain role filling a certain gap.
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i received a compliment today. he said i was fascinating. why do i have such mixed feelings about encompassing this word.